It was hard for me to enjoy anything. I used alcohol to numb the pain and sadness. Over time I realized that this strategy wasn’t working and my life was getting worse and not better. I started reaching out and connecting with trusted friends and have found that I am capable of enjoyment. There have been many moments when I notice that I am enjoying myself. It is a good feeling.
I am not enjoying myself when I isolate myself from others and the community. I do volunteer work to be connected. Google ‘where can I volunteer in London and Middlesex?’ to get ideas about where you can volunteer.
I didn’t even know what I enjoyed. This has been something I have had to explore – what do I actually like to do? I learned that I have to prioritize my well-being and look after myself physically, emotionally and spiritually to be able to enjoy anything. What is surprising is that when I feel healthy, I can enjoy pretty much anything I am involved with.
Self-reflection has helped me. I look at myself and ask – what am I doing that I can change? Who can help me? It’s important to be true to you and to seek out every option that makes sense, to be self-directed in figuring out what I want for my life.
Discover what you believe about the world from what happened to you; “people I cared about died and I was left feeling that my childhood behaviour was responsible for their death.” I needed to really look at it to know that it wasn’t my fault that people died.
I had a lot of broken relationships in my past that haunted me and made it impossible for me to enjoy anything. I knew I needed to understand and repair the damage wherever I could. I am still working on this but just making the start was a good beginning that I feel hopeful about.
People will tell you to reach out when you feel stuck and alone. It is good advice but it is also helpful if you can figure out what is actually supportive for you. Be clear with others about what you want in terms of support. It’s different for everyone.